St Jude’s Cellars

389-391 Brunswick St
Fitzroy VIC 3065
www.stjudescellars.com.au

Brunswick St, eh? Gee, I haven’t been down there in ages. And I literally work three blocks from it. For some reason, I always turn left when I walk out Blue Vapours office door: my current theory is that if I turn left it’s down hill, my house is in that direction and Smith St is so much handier (at only a block and a half).

But nothing on Brunswick St has changed, although curiously and conversely absolutely everything has changed. There’s still year ten kids drinking coffee and smoking sly cigarettes outside Italian cafes in their school uniforms, there’s still young men from the country and suburbs toting instruments to gigs at the various bars, even the old bearded hobos playing guitar and busking for a few coins are still there. But I’m old (well, older) now, and fashions have changed… though I did see a guy down there with a flat top with blonde tips, a white windcheater, white high top Nike sneakers and Levi 501 jeans (I had to laugh - he was way over forty!).

Anywho, I was told about St Jude’s by my mate Suze (Hi Suze!), who’d been taken there by her boss David (Hello David!) for lunch and gave it two thumbs up. As always, intrigued by the advice of someone with taste (they do work at groovy architects Heritage Alliance), I took myself out there for dinner last night. Let’s go in and take a look, shall we?

St Jude’s is brought to you by the same people who own Rice Queen, the Panama Dining room (Smith St) and apparently the Veggie bar (Brunswick St - nice website).

Now let’s get this straight; it’s not strictly speaking a restaurant. They’ve got a kitchen, and it’s very good, but they seem to really do “the booze”... as they say in Eastern Europe (ahoj Stanka y Katka!). Hey, this is turning into a “shout-out to my homeys” review. Keep reading, you might be next!

The Booze. Booze, booze, booze. Look at the wine list. Very nice. But they’ve got more. Look at the racks. Someone came in from an office over the road and picked up a dozen bottles of champagne I’d never heard of and they handed them over without a receipt. Spirits. Martinis. A “with drinks-nibbles” section on the menu.

The food is competent, not high art, but the prices are reasonable. I had a baked chicken with parsley sauce entree (that's a "starter" if you're reading this in the US), and the fish of the day for main - grilled Blue Eye on a quinoa, spelt and hazelnut bed with a side salad.

Wines? A Spanish white wine type Albarino (very nice – apparently the Australian Albarino was going great guns until they realized the Spanish suppliers had sent the wrong grape type and it wasn’t Albarino at all), then changed gears to an Australian sauvignon blanc, and then a French "savvy b" to see the difference. I can’t remember the difference, incidentally, because the rest of the night then devolved into a haze.

The décor is all hard surfaces (which I see everywhere); lots of black and white and racks of the booze. A high ceiling in a kind of old warehouse, it's very tasteful. I can’t say there were people falling out the door, it was pretty quiet really, but that whole end of Brunswick St (down near Alexander Parade) has sprouted restaurants and bars where I can’t remember there being that much action. I spoke to one of my publican mates about it, Guy from the Napier Hotel (Hi Guy!)…which was absolutely pumping by the way… who said that the building was cursed and had had serial failed businesses in it. Maybe it is, but I’m crossing my fingers they stay around. The menu advertised what looks like an extremely attractive set menu event at the end of the month (26th June) with five courses and seven matching wines for a tonne. But don't quote me.

So in summary? Go for a wine or cocktail. Maybe skip the main courses and just have the nibbles that go with the drinks. The drinks list gets a rubbery seven tentacles, the food a strong five, five and a half, the decor a six. In total I give St Jude’s a six tentacles plus a couple of suckers out of eight! Enjoy!!

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Cumulus

45 Flinders Lane
Melbourne
cumulusinc.com.au

Everyone's been to Cumulus. Except me. Every time I went past it was packed. Trendy young people and older sophisticates have scoffed there for years while I've been stuck outside in variously the cold, temperate and boiling hot. Tsk.

But last night, out alone wandering the cold streets of town on the way home (cue wind machine and darkening skies, drizzle rain machine effect, empty street, rat scurries out of breeze behind bin), I chanced my arm. Surely this time?

It was packed, a surprise from the empty street outside. They squeezed me in between two groups of attractive girls at the bar to watch the chefs. I asked the waiter for his menu recommendations, and found out something they don't advertise!...

...OK! I clicked on full post. So what's the secret?

Come on, do you expect to do the reveal that fast? We've got to have one minute of suspense.

Cumulus is a little bar at the top end of Flinders Lane owned by the same people who own Cutler and Co. It's all hard surfaces in basically one open plan room with the cooking staff on show. Gee they work hard! Think trattoria.

The ingredients are second to none. Wagyu cured beef is cut on a meat slicer, they have over eight different kinds of oysters (not all great, as usual), fresh tuna and confits (beef?). Pomegranate seeds feature, as do delicately palate balanced salads. What would you call it? Eur/Asian, Frenchie-Jap? Freshness is the main key but saturated fat decadence options are available for those with the need.

My friendly waiter recommended two oysters, the cold octopus with chilli - small hot and green - and mayonaise in oil (Yummy!) and his secret.

The secret? Show me! What's the teasing all about. Argh!

My pal suggested I get a half serve of the cauliflower and a half serve on the tuna dish (raw, served on cold minted peas). Just the right amount for one. Half serves are not advertised as an option on the menu and significantly financially saving.

Throw in a Peroni and a glass of award winning sauvignon blanc, and it's as good an eatery as anywhere on the planet.

So, the tentacley verdict? A bit too popular, hard to get seats for four or five, but a couple could get in OK if their timing's good. Bookings? You might take them, but it's not that sort of venue. I'd do the fly past as there's so many restaurants around the area. But it is worth the try. One chef's hat from the Age Good Food Guide, I give it seven tentacles out of eight.


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Cheese and Wine Matching

Richmond Hill Café and Larder
48-50 Bridge Road
Richmond
www.rhcl.com.au

Can you believe it? There’s such a thing as a cheese snob. A fromage fop. Someone queer for queso. Just like a wine snob, but with different organs shutting down. And the professionals in the trade? “Cheese mongers”. I didn’t even know there was a word marriage like that. As in “I monger cheese for a living.”

I recently attended a cheese and wine matching course at Richmond Hill. They happen once a month and are educational and entertaining, if mucus inducing. Attendees could be typified as retirees from Kew, gay couples from the inner city, and gluttonous freak-show scenarios (me). The exceptions were the children of the rather glamorous mother I was seated next to; they’d bought her the ticket and were tasting their cheese against red lemonade. Forza!


Richmond Hill has a cheese room that is set up to imitate a cave. I think it’s about 17 degrees, and around 15% humidity. Cheese won’t ripen properly when refrigerated, as it’s all about interaction between moulds and milk.

The monger in charge was Anthony Femia, and what a cheese nerd! He knew everything and was put through his paces by an unusually well informed audience. The sommelier was Martin Fortune. No one challenged him at all. This was a cheese snob event, no question.

Like a wine tasting, we moved from the weak to the strong. We started with a glass of bubbles (no cheese offered, but you might try a triple cream), and then worked our way through the whites (goat’s cheese, bries), light reds (washed rind, semi-hard), big reds (cheddar) and then on to fortifieds (blue).

A quick word on cheese tasting; you’ll feel like you’re lactose intolerant by the end. Saturated fat mixed with so many exotic bacteria will leave you awash with a feeling of guilt and gurgles.

To whit, the lessons.


Goats Cheese
Holy Goat La Luna Ring
Sutton Grange, Victoria
This was meant to be a milder goat’s cheese; i.e. not so much like licking the back end of a goat. My notes? “Yum! Back end – oh oh, foot odour.” Apparently it’s a great breakfast cheese, to have with berries, or crumbled on pesto.

Wine match:
2009 Spinefex ‘Lola’ Semillon, Viognier, Vermentino
Basically, choose a high acid white wine to cut the cheese (!) and refresh your mouth that will have been dried out by the cheese sucking the moisture out of your cake hole. Would also go well with a sauvignon blanc.


Surface Ripened, White Mould
Fromage de Meux cow’s milk
Ile-de-France, France
Hooray! I’ve finally found out what the difference between brie and camembert is! Back in the day, everyone made white mould cheeses. They were all basically the same recipe, the difference being the sizes, the different grass types the animals ate and different penicillins (penicilli?) to ripen them.
When those nutty Europeans started naming everything as a regional speciality – before the formation of the European Union, after the invention of fire, somewhere in there – they named one Brie and another Camembert to match where they came from. The main difference is brie is made in a 1-3 kg wheel, while a camembert is much smaller. This affects the water quantity in the cheese (I’m guessing bigger cheeses hold more water).
You know they’re ripe when the insides run or bulge. Store white mould cheeses in paper in your vegetable crisper. The outside cut will oxidise, so trim the outside bits when you eat raw, but don’t throw them away! You can melt them on an open sandwich – try turkey, avocado and relish!

Wine match:
2008 Tom Boy Hill ‘Rebellion’ Chardonnay
Ballarat, VIC
‘Why a “card-onnay”?’ Basically, to try and complement the more robust flavours of the white mould cheese without overpowering them.


Surface Ripened, Washed Rind
Pont L’Évêque cow’s milk
Normandy, France
My notes: “Phwoar crikey! Talk about strong!” This cheese is apparently known as “Monk’s meat”. During Lent, when the monks had to give up meat, they turn to this robust cheese. A good cheese for winter, with a taste of cauliflower and meat; great for cooking.

Wine match:
2008 Farfalla Pinot Noir
Mornington Peninsula, VIC
Our sommelier recommended a lighter style red, but also endorsed beer or cider with this one.


Semi-hard
Tomme de Chevre goat’s milk
Loire, France
This was a mouth watering harder cheese, kind of like a parmy. The word tome comes from the Alpines (not the fags, the mountains) and means “hunk”, but in cheese-speak it means it’s made from a mix of milks (i.e. by a cheese maker, not a farmer).

Wine match:
2009 Al Muvedre Tinto Joven
Alicante, Spain
I’ve been to Alicante. You’ve got to say it kind of breathlessly, with an English accent while clutching the locket around your neck. “Allicante!”
This wine got a tick in my notes, and is a mix of Grenache and shiraz. You should (allegedly) always have red with harder cheeses, and this one was a medium red to match the saltiness of the cheese.


Cooked Curds
Quickes English Cheddar cow’s milk
Devon, England
Phew! On home ground here with cheddar. Did you know they wrap the cheese in cloth, and then drop it on the farm yard ground to crack it to let in the bugs? Yum!!

Wine match:
2008 Hollick Cabernet Merlot
Coonawarra, SA
OK, I think I may have been drifting off here, as the notes quota was starting to drop. I note a large tick on the wine here, and my notes “big red”.


Blue Cheese
Quesos Valdeon cow and goat’s milk
Valdeon Valley, Northern Spain

I LOVE blue cheese, and this was a very good one. The story behind this cheese is that a shepherd, sitting down to his sycamore leaf wrapped cheese and a loaf of rye bread, saw a beautiful girl walk past and forgot about his lunch, getting up and following her for two to three weeks (titter from audience). When he came back, there was mould all over his cheese, and inside, but he ate it anyway and found a taste of heaven. As a result, many cheese makers still use rye bread as part of the fermentation today… or something.

Good local blues suggested by our cheese monger were Gippsland Blue and Tarwin Blue.

Wine match:
Chambers Muscat
Rutherglen, VIC
Now here’s a couple of things I didn’t realise. First never have a red with a blue. Go for a sweet wine, like a port, a muscat, botrytis white, black sherry, sparkling shiraz (with Stilton), etc.
The second? That we have some of the world’s best Muscat, made from vines a hundred and fifty years old unscathed by the phylloxera plague of the late 1800’s. If these were made in Europe they’d command big bucks. Here, due to fashions and the market, they’re lucky to sell a bottle for $50.


So there you go. You don’t need to be a monger to be a cheese snob! Just follow these careful notes, tell them the story about the shepherd and everyone will think that your veins run with liquid cheese!

Until next time, keep eating!

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Sarti Restaurant

www.sartirestaurant.com.au
6 Russel Place
Melbourne

E tempo de carnivale! E festivale della commedia del'arte! Primo baby. (Who knew my year ten drama classes and grade six Italian would still come in handy?)

Italian and comedy? Where's this theme going?

Melbourne's Comedy Festival may be missing Scarramouche - but the zanies are out to play; Arj Barker having rude things done to his face by a papaya (you'll have to see him about that), Mick Molloy talking about his sex life (don't picture it - this is a food blog), and hundreds more artisans plying their craft in town right now (you'd really better catch a show).

So you make tracks like lightning down to the Town Hall for a laugh. And then it hits you. It's night, you're out, and you need to eat! (there's an Italian segue set-up going on here somewhere, I can feel it...) But where can you eat nearby? Everything's booked. It's crazy! Ramrod backed maitre d's turned us away from door after door. I felt like a second class citizen, let me tell you. Perhaps it's my new cologne 'Eau de Cow Dung'?

We were finally greeted with open arms, however, at Sarti; tucked as usual down a smelly alley, but conveniently only a block and a half from the centre of all things humourous at this time of year (finally, we got there - Italian joint is it?).

It IS an Italian restaurant (well done) without the check table cloths, not your hackneyed pizza joint but a more warm and modern trattoria. The decor's stripped back, black, timber, white; friendly and modern. We sat outside on their "rooftop" terrace - looking up at skyscraper walls - and it's laid back and groovy. The staff are good looking and knew the menu by heart - both good signs.

The menu? Excellent and simple. We had small pork and fennel sausages with a white polenta marsala sauce (which reminded me curiously of doughnuts) and calamari for entree. I had a fantastic mud crab and prawn spaghetti, my companions downing other specialities including crispy skinned fish and a berlotti beans and pancetta pasta.

The downsides? Going before a show means you're sitting there with a ticking stop watch in your head. It felt a bit rushed, so I would have liked to do a three or four hour session there; may be a late lunch that goes all afternoon? Oh, and the water prices! You know you're on the wrong side of Lent when you start ordering sparkling mineral water with your dinner. Qu'el horreur when the bill came! Still, if I was drinking wine, it'd seem cheap and the sting would have been taken off by the warm glow of booze. Quick! A poem:

Ah, booze!
One day I'll sup
There at your cup.
One day.
Ah, booze!

Obsessing? Moi?

So, all in all? Hot staff, nice atmos, good menu, prices a little on the high side but bearable. I give it six muscular tentacles out of eight! Now make me laugh, damn you!!
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Burgundy anyone?

I went to a Bourgogne (Burgundy) region wine tasting in November held by Bijoux Wines, and subsequently misplaced the notes I made. Tiddly? Me? Never. I’ve found them again subsequently, however, so can let you in on (as the French would say) “l’éducation” I got.


The event was held at the rear of Matteo’s, a lovely restaurant in North Fitzroy. There were only three ladies there; Linda Baron, Melbourne foodie extraordinaire, who’d invited us and Jane and Simone from Blue Vapours … who ended up doing a runner and going to the pub next door. The rest of the attendees were male wine aficionados; i.e. over fifty, high blood pressure, purple faces, comb-overs and small moustaches. It was like looking into my future!

The wines were mostly reds. They had white burgundies, and some bubbles, but it wasn’t until I was three quarters of the way around the tables that I got the low down on (as the French would say) la traditionale “burgundys”.

There’s been a special mystique about burgundy for me, ever since my parents had a ten litre cask of it on the kitchen bench back in the 70's. Bourgogne Rouge is basically pinot noir. That’s what a “burgundy” is. Talk about popping the mystique! I started tasting the qualities of pinot straight away. Pinots? Notes for the novice: It’s hard to make a good one, they always stuff them up here in the cheaper bracket, and they’re hardly ever consistent. But that’s apparently the appeal of these wines to high end slurpers: the difficulty and the variation.

There are different grades of Bourgogne rouge, and the price and quality went up around the room. The cognoscenti were all standing at the last table downing the good stuff and I’d been dabbling around the lower grades for ages! Don’t make the same mistake! Here are the gradings:

Village: grapes sourced from the village area.
Premier Cru: grapes sourced from the one vineyard.
Grand Cru: grapes sourced from the one nice hill in the one vineyard.

Definitions vary from region to region, and you might like to check my conversational definition with what they say in Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cru_%28wine%29).

So (drum roll please), my picks in the different classifications:

Kit’s Cucina Inaugural Bourgogne Wine Awards

Bubbles- i.e. Champagne Medot
NV Medot Rose
50% pinot noir and 50% chardonnay. “Medium rose, moderate bubbles. Easy drinking style.” My notes get shorter and less coherent as we go around.

White Burgundy
2004 Chateau de Citeaux Chassange Montrachet
“A quick surprise” it says in my notes, not sure why. Mid-straws yellow, grapefruit and lemon zest.

Village Rouge
2008 Domaine Tortochot Gevrey Chambertin Champerrier Vieilles Vignes
Delish. Mid cherry crimson colour, berry fruit tastes - I thought “raspberry”.

Premier Cru Rouge
2007 Domaine Marchand Freres Chambolle Mesigny 1er Cru “Les Sentiers”
Who knows what their tasting notes mean? Pebbly? WTF? Also, I’m beginning to suspect the reason these wines cost so much is to pay for the type setting. How long and fancy sounding is that name? My notes? “Perfumed. Excellent.”

Grand Cru
(the absolutely broadest range in tastes in this category– I see in my notes from Chinnoto to Amyl… crikey!)
My pick? Super big drum roll please!!!
2007 Domaine Marchand Freres Grand Cru Charmes Chambertin
Mid ruby colour, fresh berry fruit. My notes: “Yum! Yum!”

At the end, they threw in a Rhone Rouge which was a mix of grape types, and had rave reviews printed with it by the Wine Advocate and International Wine Cellar. It was a 2007 Domaine Le Milliere Chateauneuf du Pape (ninth castle of the Pope) Vieille Vignes en magnum. My notes: “Balance, rounded. What a relief after all those pinots, like falling into a comfy chair.”

If you’d like to talk to someone about buying these, or one of the many other bottles they had on offer, you could try emailing Norman. He’s at:
Norman@bijouxwines.com

Hopefully they invite me to their next one!

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The Newmarket Hotel

34 Inkerman St
St Kilda
www.newmarketstkilda.com.au

I like beer. Do you like beer? Yeah, I like beer too. Food? I like food. Do you like food? Me too! We should hang out more. Here, try this...

If you like food, beer, and hanging out, the Newmarket Hotel could very well be the place for you. The old pub famous for its "Schnitz and Tits" nights - featuring schnitzels, topless waitresses and strippers - no longer. The minds behind the Albert Park and Middle Park Hotel bought it and renovated it. They've kept the facade, ripped down the pub and put up a monument to South America. Shall we go in and take a look?


First stop, the where. St Kilda. I've got to admit I'm a North of the River boy. Abbotsford and Fitzroy are my main stomping grounds, with a quick diversion to la cita. But occassionally, the siren song of the south calls and I find myself in Sydney... I mean St Kilda. Same place, n'est pas? Not on your life. This is the cool part of St Kilda, the back bit, out the side, the gritty Melbourne-esque part of St Kilda which almost makes you want to move there. Let's call it St Kilda East.

Before I go on, I have to show my hand. This is a CJ McKenzie inspired review. It was his night off and he suggested we get down there and check it out, and I've got to admit it was worth the trip. But I might be biased because of the company.

The renovation is tasteful; you can tell it's the same architects that did the Public House in Richmond. But they've started doing things that little bit better with practice. Like functional bars, and heaters that recess into the walls.

The menu? "Californian inspired Hispanic menu". What does that mean? Tapas? Apparently not. Portions are too big for one. Share plates still, and featuring things like soft tacos with prawns, or slow roasted pork.

Oh! And they've got a really big table opposite the kitchen that you can book for functions. Handy if you want to go out with more than eight people to something. Like your family...

The crowd is a bit older at this pub. I guess the prices may have pushed the back packers down to the intersection with Alma Rd (or whatev's - it's St Kilda, I don't know my way around), so definitely a pick up place for recent divorcees. But it's a nice combination. Relaxed dining, good architecture, tasty yet simple food with a twist of spice and BOOZE. Lovely booze. Thank heavens I was there on St Patrick's day and was allowed to have a tipple.

Meanwhile - with the reno - the builders have apparently built a space underneath that has exactly the same (massive) open area floor space. It's mooted to be opened in about six months, with a catwalk down the middle and available for fashion shows, weddings, laid back love ins and what have you. You'll be catching a lift down the side to a subterranean cool-oire.

Score? It's not fine dining, and you'll need to book a table as they stop letting people in without reservations, but it's honest, tasty, and friendly... and one of my relatives is high profile there and buys me drinks. I give it a seven tentacles out of eight.

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No 35.

Inside Sofitel Hotel
35th Floor, 25 Collins St Melbourne
Over Collins Place
www.no35.com.au

Happy birthday to me! Happy birthday to me! So we'll all go out and indulge in gluttony.

Momo? Tuesday after the long weekend, closed! Rockpool? You want too big a table! And then my thoughts turned to the first "fancy" restaurant I ever went to.

Formerly the Wentworth Hotel (I'm sticking to this name, Ange, even if it's not true) I was dazzled as an eight year old... more of that later. Internet surfing revealed their new restaurant is called No. 35, to match the floor number, and has a hat from the Age Good Food Guide. A couple of "bonjours" and deposit of $20 a head later (!!!) I was able to secure our seats.

What is it about eating, drinking and going to the toilet so many metres over everybody's heads that makes it instantly a special occassion?

So first, my childhood recollections. An open kitchen, flames of brandy burning, visions of the Towering Inferno, me looking for the most expensive thing on the menu, ordering lobster thermador and then being told I was having the chicken. Going for a wee (the absolute highlight) with floor to ceiling glass over people's heads! And the coup de grace? My Dad (bless him), complaining about the bill. "A hundred dollars for dinner for six? I've never paid a hundred dollars for a meal in my life!"

Well, how things have changed... and curiously stayed the same.

I mean the view is spectacular. Just look at it! Though somehow, the toilets weren't the same. Through the lobby of a huge atrium... which smelt like a hotel (you know that chloriney smell? How do they do that - I felt like I was in Asia). The tüt had shrunk, and I could see the MCG. Had it swapped sides, or was I bigger and the landmarks now recognisable?

The food was excellent. My gosh it was good. Five types of oysters to choose from. Roast peppers, heirloom tomatoes, dehydrated olive and frozen goat's curd (Jane didn't trust it all as the lighting was a bit low). Other guests were in raptures about the roast pork belly with scallop. Mains? I had the barramundi, keeping to a pescatorian theme, Jane had the lamb (same problem! Couldn't see it well enough so refused to eat it like a frightened horse at a jump - she'd be hopeless at the blind restaurant scenario). Dessert? Yes please! A triumph, high art! I had the brunt orange with pistachio ice cream washed down with black coffee and a Grand Marnier. Lovely.

But? I can feel a but coming on Christopher, and you're not even sitting on me. Well, the service was a bit weird. Strange northern Europeans, gaunt and humourless, like going to a performance of Waiting for Godot. We had a dose of the cheerful Canadian maitre d, a somnalier, bearded and entertaining. But the rest? Meh. Plus, I had the $160 deposit constantly ticking in the back of my mind.

So, in conclusion? View? Eight tentacles - full marks! Food? Seven and a half tentacles out of eight. Service; six tentacles. The deposit? Zero tentacles. My recommendation? Go without a booking for lunch or early supper and watch the sun sink in the west and the lights come out to play. Six tentacles.

ADDENDUM: Text altered after reassurances the deposit was accounted for in the bill.

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